Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
