a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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