I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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