I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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