That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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