I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
