I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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