I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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