when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize