dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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