i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
