And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
