Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You can't just leave with hair like that
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize