WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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