i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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