I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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