Define "chronic" masturbator.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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