and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
