Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
