I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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