even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
