Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
