You can't motorboat a personality
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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