i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize