i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
