I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
