Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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