It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
