This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
