Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
