I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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