Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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