im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
