I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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