I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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