If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
