there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
