whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
