Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
