You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
