hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
