id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
