ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
