we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm passing your future prison.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
