dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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