Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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