small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
