if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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