They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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