Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
