When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
