girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
