His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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