I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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