Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
