Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
