I'm jealous of your bromance
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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