Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
