He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
