we're blogging at a bar
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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