Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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