Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
