Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
