Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
