she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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